I met an old friend last weekend and he was coming with his 4-year-old son. Do you know what’s so special about kids? They are honest. And ignorant to those they don’t fond of, without any ignored adults feeling offended.
This then came to mind: every adult has his childish side, it’s only a matter of ‘how much’ that decides his maturity. Of course, in case of ignorance, an adult will feel offended when he’s ignored by a fellow adult.
In order for us not to be ignorant, we need to keep in mind that nobody likes to be ignored – pay attention, especially to those you care for: what they say and what they do – but that doesn’t mean that you meddle in all their problems as well. Again, privacy is important. Unless someone’s your spouse, I’m pretty sure no one likes it when somebody else is shadowing his/her life (well, even if she’s your spouse, I’m sure she still needs some privacy).
Being mature means you can balance your care with your ignorance when it comes to others.
I’m 26 this year and the questions about marriage have become more frequent than before. Normally I will respond with either one of these 3 statements:
My religion doesn’t allow divorce, hence marriage truly is a once-in-a-lifetime which you cannot erase and rewind that easily. That’s why I don’t want to hurry and regret later. (Even though in practice, many people cheat religion in order to divorce.) Talking with religious people, they usually cannot argue to this statement.
I’m not ready to take the huge responsibility of being in a marriage, not to mention being a mom, housewife and career-woman at the same time. It’s too difficult and I don’t want seeing others staring at me judgmentally because I cannot raise my kids right.
My parents also got married at the age of >26 y.o and they did just fine. (Maybe that’s also the reason they don’t hurry me like other parents do – people tend to compare their kids to themselves; the earlier they got married, the earlier they’d expect their kids to get married.)
I don’t know what’s going on with people, but the trend now (like some of my friends also do) is to get married at a young age, postpone being pregnant and giving birth to baby(es) because they simply don’t have enough money to raise kids and sometimes (ehm, ok, most of the time) they don’t even own a house and/or a car. I know I’m setting a high standard for myself, but I just can’t imagine sharing the same roof with my parents (or my soon-to-be spouse’s parents) after I get married. I agree to live real close to them, but just not under the same roof. Please.
The preference of getting married is totally subjective and I don’t know why it’s almost generalized here. People see women aged more than 30 y.o and still single as the leftovers without considering those who get married early and left widowed at the age of less than 25 y.o.
Most of all, I want to be able to achieve things on my own before settling down in a marriage. It’s not like I couldn’t achieve them once I’m married like some psychologists suggested (they said it’s better for women to get married at the age of 26 if we want to have 2 or more kids because their biological clock is ticking and the risk of giving birth at the age of 35 quadruples the risk of down-syndrome), but I simply want to dedicate myself to the family more once I’m married. After all the achievements are made, then maybe I’ll settle down for marriage. Or maybe I’m just waiting for the right guy to come. 😛