about loving yourself

I had this talk with a good friend last week about a good article I found (click here to read the article). It was written by a Chinese woman living in the US, about Chinese women who tend to get married at a young age because their family don’t want them to become “leftover women”. This woman, Joy, herself has just gotten married to this guy Dave she met after she’s been through 3 stages of life which she’s quite sure wouldn’t be found by women under 30.

The first stage would be to love yourself. At this stage, a woman knows what she wants in life and she would set her own goals regardless what others say about them. The second one is to be independent. Not only financially, but also to be able to find happiness by herself. The last one is to find ‘Mr. Right’ instead of ‘Mr. Right Now’ (he’s the one a woman would most likely meet in her 20s). When you finished the last stage, then it’s time to get married. Rushing a marriage often ends up in widowing at the age of below 30. 😦

At any kind of things, the first stage would be the most important step. It’s the same for this. Loving yourself sounds easy, but it truly is hard. Most women would willingly give things up – her lifelong dreams, career, family and friends are to name some – when it comes to relationships. It’s nobody’s fault, it happens by nature. However, when someone truly loves herself, she would think millions of time before giving things up for love. Loving yourself means being consistent with your own goals and plans, no matter what your boyfriend thinks.

We must admit that down the road we’ve all been through some mistakes, including loving others more than you love yourself. Easiest example is to give your dreams up to be together with a guy. Well, it’s basically one’s preference, but if you’re willing to finish all stages to find true love and happiness, you should follow the “rule” and love yourself.

Ladies, love yourself before you love someone else. 😉

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3 thoughts on “about loving yourself

  1. while you read that you need to be aware of culture differences that gwai’s like you or me cannot understand but should know they exist. it is told that woman in her 30’s cannot give a healthy child, it’s harder for them to handle pregnancy etc. not to mention guys like younger girls over older and it’s still guy’s position stronger than woman’s in asian society. marriage is still a business and family has a big influence on future relationships – parents are matching children by ‘letting them meet each other’, try to pick good family. in Chinese socienty you give daughter away but son gives you another person to family – it’s about changing the name but actually Chinese women don’t change surname after marriage. You just don’t ‘invest’ too much in daughter because for old days she will take care of husband’s parents mostly. And for that husband she should be pretty, pure, good in houseworking so she is ‘worth’ a ‘good quality’ husband and belivie me – guy’s parents always think he is the best in everything. It’s quite upsetting, Asian society (not only Chinese one) finally starts to go away from that kind of relationship model but still when parent’s reject the partner (for example he doesn’t own a flat and believe me that is a big issue) then they probably won’t get married, even if they love that person with all their heart. of course I know few people who stand against parents but now they are not talking to each other.
    sigh, just huge culture difference 🙂

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    • Yep, totally agree about culture difference. I’m also from an Asian country, so believe me, even though the culture is not that strong within my family (since we are an all-daughter family, my parents are willing to ‘invest’ on their daughters regardless later our future husbands’ families will be taken care more by us), I totally understand.

      I also stand against late marriage, but I agree with Joy’s statement not to rush marriage. The problem with the society is pushing women to get married as early as possible, which often ends up in unhappy life. The focus of my post is to make women realized that happiness can be found not only through marriage, but we can achieve it ourselves. The way to happiness? I believe the three steps explained in the article covered it all.

      Problems with parents? It’s a culture us Asian cannot avoid – many said Asian marriage is in fact 2 families’ marriage instead of 2 people’s. We as sons/daughters might not understand now, but I believe that parents would want the best for their kids. The key is to discuss things openly with them. 🙂

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